nitegems: hear me rant.

ENUFF IS ENUFF

2007-03-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

Just watched stomp.
it was fantastic
fucking fantastic
it blew my head off, and minds as well
crazy fantastic
the beat
the sounds and the synergy
gosh it felt so good just watching them
watching how they bring it.

recently life has gotten abit too complicated
too fast paced
and i tink im gonna back track jus a lil bit
i had enuff of ppl taking me for granted
enuff of me chasing them.
as if im so desperate
i mean please come on.
enuff.

so my resolution..its not a new year but fuck off; is
im jus gonna do my thing
if it fits den i'll meet
if it doesn't den i dun have to
use whatever time i have to exercise
lay back
relax
or meet those who really matter
and let go of those who are just a waste of time or do not know how to appreciate
there are a few that i am very thankful for..those who make me feel that life worth living
and others who i think its time to loosen grip
let them come to me rather then me to them
i don't need any of these to make me who i am
mental training
i think i need that
build up my self esteem and my character
so that in the future
i won't need to give two fucks about these bullshit
socialise my fucking ass

-=pissed and irritated but yet feeling somewhat resolved=-

nitegems

-=items=-

2007-02-12T15:59:00.000+08:00

omg amegus spree is like 3/4 items oos and aliyoo spree is like most item oos also..
dammit..
im worried sial i hope i get my items
esp the 5 dress and two tops..
she gave me the number but cant find the items..cant track it down
stressing me out sial
plus she in HK now
why why why
omg..should i have jus not paid.
damit.
pissed me off sometimes
argh

-=omg i am fat=-

2007-02-12T15:17:00.000+08:00

omg i need to continue loosing weight or at least maintaining
im not a freak i don't stop eating
but i need keep my eyes away from pastries and wad not..
dammit
and alcohol more importantly..

tonite i mus walk walk walk yes i must

-=im so broke but thank God he always send angels to pass me some $$=-

nitegems

HAHAHAHA! WOO

2007-02-10T05:13:00.000+08:00

-=clueless=-

2007-01-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

i never felt so clueless about life before..
not knowing what step to take next..and knowing that whatever decision i make will affect my future..its just mind blowing and utterly scary. I want to be something, i know i can be..but i dunno why i am just sitting here..and thinking about it just scares me. Yes i have big dreams that seem untouchable..yes i have many needs and wants that don't seem to be fulfiled at the moment. I don't like the way i am living my life..so clueless..so lost. not knowing what to do next. and i feel so tired and helpless..very pathetic as well because i want to have a direction..i need to know my next step...its very important to me..haiz..=( to stay on or not? i don't even know the answer to that question..

-=tired..sick..fever=-

nitegems

-=cancerians=-

2007-01-19T17:27:00.000+08:00

wow im a cancerian..cooool..

>>>CANCER<<<
>MOST AMAZING KISSER.
>Very high sex appeal.
>Great in bed ...
>Love is one of a kind.
>Very romantic.
>Most caring person you will ever meet!
>Entirely creative
>Random and proud of it
>Great tellin stories
>Great fighter and will Knock your

-=frustrations much?=-

2007-01-18T12:28:00.000+08:00

i'm really frustrated inside
this week has been tough but i wanna stop sounding like a weakling who keeps complaining
why the hell did things turn out this way between us
why the cold weird feeling we have when we tok..
damn.
how come we dun even talk no more? as said by eminem. damn its true
anyway i wanna be more positive.
it glows. as i heard and truly believe.
i just wanna be happier. i don't think a new job or a higher pay will make me happier
its me. i need to change this character inside.before i can move on to greater things
anyway. losing weight and maintaining friends are my main objectives and worries of life. pathetic? yup i tink so too. hopefully one day i would really look back and be truly satisfied.

-=why did it turn out this way=-

nitegems

-=christmas=-

2006-12-22T12:02:00.000+08:00

HI EVERYONE!

Christmas is near! and therefore i blog. no questions asked.
I love and hate christmas, i love it because of the meaning of christmas
and i hate it because it reminds me of what a loser i am
Ok not really a loser loser cause i am not alone on most christmas but i feel the emptiness of it all..so fake
And the whole anticipation and hopes that your love ones give you a present but in the end dont is a really sucky one too..but oh well..life is actually quite good, i should be more positive at times, especially towards work and my future..ABUNDANCE. a word i should believe in when i say it. I HAVE ABUNDANCE! Somehow i always sound very negative when i say it..like why am i such a sarcastic brat? I tink if i was a friends character i would have the style of Jennifer Aniston (not that i'm that thin or stylish but i have her sense) and the character of Chandler stuck in my body. The sarcastic,self loathing, insecure joker..and i like that about Chandler and oddly i've beginning to see my character to be quite similar. We make jokes because we feel insecure of who we are and especially when we are uncomfortable. We hate social situations that makes us get out of our comfort zone and we make jokes once again to feel comfortable. Hai such a loser i am.

Have i reached the age where you have to face up to the future and know what you want instead of still wondering where you be 5 years from now...WHY AM I LATE EVERYDAY PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME. Is it because of the job..is it because of ME? That i am a slacker?..that i can't work? am i someone that have no passion no motivation no commitment? why do i give such poor work attitude when i work? WHY? WHY WHY? Please tell me....god jus kill me here now. perhaps i need to look deep inside and find my passion.
Sorry for the horrible blogging..i have alot on my mind and i am just ranting..plus i am really sian at work nothing to do cause its a friday and im bored.

My life journey ahead is going to be a tough one. I can sense it already.

Movies i want to watch

- Curse of the golden flower
- Charlotte's Web
- Death Note 2
- Flags of Our Fathers
- Happy Feet

-=my life can be a total mess but wen i close my eyes in the midst of it all & i feel a rush that's just so surreal=-

nitegems

clothes

2006-08-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

Well oh well the time has come to go for attachment
and i went around searching for clothes for my
smart casual look for work!

and this are my must haves!

1) Mango White Turtleneck - $35
2) Topshop Black Jacket - $106
3) Zara White Ruffled Shirt - $59.90
4) Mphosis Black Belt - $24.95
5) Mphosis White top - $34.95
6) Topshop Black PVC pumps - $73
7) Topshop Red Bead Necklace - $33
8) Topshop Tube Dress - $89

OMG & LOTS MORE! BROKE BROKE BROKE!

Things I have bid for

1) Frankie B Jeans
2) Tarnittie Jeans Skirt
3) J.LO Glow Perfume

Thing I wanna Bid for

1) Canvas Tote Bag for work - $36
2) Necklace and Earrings from ASOS
3) Crystal Belt ASOS - $22

-=pissed off=-

2006-08-08T00:23:00.000+08:00

i am pissed off at AIBI
their treadmill like spoil sooooooooo many many times
when i use it..
omg i am so disappointed with their stuff..
i have to call and ask people to repair and its spoiling my workout sessions..
argh
i hate it when things spoil
it really pisses me off
just like my laptop
which i have no idea the number of times i have repaired it
it is so so so fustrating
HP stuff is so screwed up..
my labbie needs to get fixed asap

sorry to rant like a bitch but i get pissed off when everythin needs to be fixed
argh

no wonder women need men in their lives

-=baaaahhh=-

nitegems

-=tokyo drift=-

2006-08-07T00:48:00.000+08:00

wow its been a long time since i've bothered to blog
but i guess i just want to rant..

jus watched tokyo drift
i mus say i liked it very much
hahaha maybe the cars are not as flashy as it should be
but i like the acting not that that bad
hehehehe storyline alrite also..

--------------------------------------------------

life has gone in to a very odd turn..
im caught in the midst of a transaction
i'm left with 7 weeks..
7 weeks to have a life and i will be dunked into a world i'm unfamiliar to
my freedom, play, fun, friends, family taken away
how true..i have no idea. am i prepared? far from it
but somehow, i am beginning to feel as if there is really nothing much pulling me back
my friends have a life of their own, they don't need me.
In fact these few days or weeks i have been bored shitless, almost feeling as if i am beggin people to go out with me. guess attachment would be a good thing because i hate being bored and restless and aimless. gosh. i need to have something to do!
but 5 months of working my ass off and having no life and little sleep is going to kill me..
Am i ready?.. will i be ready? will i?

my only worry is him..
i don't know how this 5 months will affect us..
its really gonna put us thru a hard test..

nevertheless
i am just gonna party, play, treasure my friends and work at pepper lunch as hard as i can ever do within this 7 weeks..because i fear that all these will be taken away as soon as September 18 starts.

ami jus exaggerating?

hope so.

cause i will miss all of u..

-=things have change=-

nitegems

-=paranoid=-

2006-05-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

fuck
im paranoid
fuckin paranoid dat i mite gain weight
sucks
that feelin is horrible
damn i dun wanna eat so much

when can my treadmill run smooth again
fucking aibi..
dots

-=food=-

2006-05-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

omg i eat too much today..
argh

ate

a bag of mini choc bites which are squarish bread bun
a ham and cheese bread
natural food gummies (argh)
Bebe...(dots)
Nachos
Abit of chicken and fries

wtf..
and wth..
me so fat arghhhhhh

loose weight!!

-=campaign for a slimmer me=-

-=love=-

2006-05-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

perhaps its too late
perhaps its too soon
but i finally realised
that i still love u...

no point forcing my heart to move on
no point letting someone else in
when im unable to deal with my own heart
i can't afford to hurt anyone..
becos i know
in the end..
i be running back to u..

-=fat=-

2006-04-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

i jus jogged 39 mins
i havent jog for a long time
so its a big deal to me..
hopefully with the addition of exercising..
oto trimaxing..
and wrapping
i would loose weight
hopefully

i mus cut down on wad i eat
like seriously
i haven been good keep eating
so i should start eating healthily

aye to a better body!

-=hahaa=-

nitegems

-=broken=-

2006-04-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

everything is made to be broken

at the moment
i dun wish to be in a relationship
honestly

i realised
that i would be lonely without a partner..
sadder during sat or sundays..
no more sweet kisses or hugs..
no more fun stayovers
but maybe

i will be stronger this way
i dun have to rely on someone to be happy

guess its really time to build meaningful friendships

this time..
i tink its truly the end
maybe i mite wait
maybe i mite not
my mind does not know wad the future will be..
but i know
that i will live on..=)
cause life is full of experiences and ups and downs
life is still a long way ahead..

smile
cause u know it cant get worst den this

-=u bleed jus to know u r alive..u hurt to know wad love is=-

nitegems

-=friends=-

2006-04-16T01:54:00.000+08:00

i was suddenly reminded of pepper lunch
and i somehow realised that i really enjoyed
working there..there was politics gossips and wad not
but it was sure hell of fun man..
we would go for supper almost every nite
and stay out and talk and bitch
there was constant drama and constant fun

but now workin in pizza walker
its a total different ball game
somehow i dun fit
i fit but not exactly
i wish it was like the old times where we could hang out as a bunch..

i miss pepper lunch people...
but it wun be the same now..
cause..
everything has changed..

i realised that as u grow older
friends get lesser..
time get lesser..
and u jus feel less satisfied about life
more than ever..

hahahaha
emo huh?

KL has made me realise 2 things

1) its gonna work
2) malaysia things are expensive

-=lalalala=-

nitegems

-=mixed up=-

2006-03-31T14:03:00.000+08:00

im completely lost and warp

in the area of my job..
in the area of my social life..
love life..
wadever..

i dunno whats going on but im sinking deeper into
a world of my own.

i dunno whats going on in my mind..

haiz..

i just need to work so badly
i am lackin in purpose
in motive
in my meaning of existence...
argh

i cant stand this

-=boredom=-

nitegems

-=v=-

2006-03-29T23:49:00.000+08:00

wow just watched v for vendeatta (am i spelling correctly?)
awesome awesome show!
my goodness..

jus simply brilliant

go try to catch it! seriously!..

give it many thumbs up..swear
the show is jus brilliant
ok
i shall not give out any details
so u mus watch it
trust me..

----------------------------------

the tv came..
yay

-=life is so borrring=-

nitegems

-=accomplish=-

2006-03-26T11:39:00.000+08:00

i have new goals for this month and the next..

First!

1) Loose weight

How?

By eating healthily
Taking walks aka shopping without snacking
Vibrate my fats with oto trimax said to be useful in forums

2) Improve my skin complexion

How?

Buy The Face Shop Arsainte Skin Softener
Get an oil cleanser
Regularly moisturise my face
clip my hair up
Mask my forhead to rid the blemishes

Third~!

Thread my eyebrow once every month!

Just this three simple goals
lets just see whether it works huh?

---------------------------------------------

miss u stupid donkey
hate u for going away for so long
tehehehe

-=free banana suck shit=-

nitegems

-=work=-

2006-03-22T20:16:00.000+08:00

im currently working at wisma
free banana
its freaking outdoor
so i perspire non stop
i've been told thrice today
that i do not know how to pour beer
by the customer themselves
quite embarrassing.

hmm i only work 5 hours a day
6-11
how like this
earn so little.
hmm..

there's still many things i do not know how to handle
one step at a time
to my surprise its a totally different ball game
to what i used to work
much tougher in my opinion.

hmm..

won't be having much of a nite life
cause when i free
everyone else is workin
when i workin
everyone else is free
lame..

-------------------------------------------

i miss u.
come back soon
love

-=free bananas!=-

nitegems

-=boo neh neh=-

2006-03-21T15:05:00.000+08:00

hmm
today i mus
shop and trim the brows
the brows are getting way out of hand..
hmm..u have no idea..
anyway..

i was tinkin of buying a uzap
do u tink it works?

-=zap?=-

nitegems

-=left=-

2006-03-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

he's left
on a little bus
on his way to malacca
for army..

hmm..
somehow i feel a sense of loss
and i dunno how to comprehend how i feel
i keep trying to get reactions out of him
but he seems so strong

hmm..
one month..maybe three..
hopefully time flies
i need a job so so badly
i really do not regret not going for the cine briefing
though it guarantees me a job
because time was everything
and i could not afford to waste time

hopefully tmr will have more luck when i find a job
=) and maybe cine might call me for a second batch
i really hope so
i hope i can work and time will pass really soon

cause everyone else is working
and its so boring to be at home and be online and not have anyone around
so i really hope to find a job soon network and make some new friends
hmm..

i truly miss him
hai..
a part of my heart was taken away when he went away

why do u seem so strong?

-=1 month=-

nitegems

-=purpose=-

2006-03-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

since i always feel i lack purpose
or that would be dead bored during the few months..
or hopefully month that u r away..
i decided to find a few purpose
to occupy myself with during the month..
:)

First!
I need to get a job..

Second!
I need to loose some weight

Third!
I need to earn some money to install a LCD television in my room

Forth!
I need to build some strong lasting friendship among people..

Fifth
I need to watch more dvd..

Lastly
I need you to come back soon...

---------------------------------------------------------------

and that was all
=)
my purpose chart
i need a job so badly
so that the rest can slowly be fufilled
argh

-=life is like this=-

nitegems

-=fast track=-

2006-03-11T01:42:00.000+08:00

fast track
warning signs
mixed signals
party quest
random words
for fun

why in the world is there promises or wadever?
when we all know we will break them..
hmm..
maybe at the spur of the moment the words we say jus feel rite
however we r unable to keep them..
keep these promises..

i never realised how much ive grown
from my over excited crazy 16 year old
to the more mellow 18 year old me..
life has become so different
and somehow i keep dreaming that my life would some day start
that i would start living my dreams wadever
cause somehow when u r stuck in this phase u feel so crap
but yet..
i tink if i grow older
these days would become fond memories..
life is an irony isn't it

--------------------------

i need to loose weight fast

-=lalalalala=-

nitegems

-=sumtimes=-

2006-03-07T22:01:00.000+08:00

disappointments after disappointments
in life people always seem to let u down
but also..
u somehow always let others down..

i feel so choked by everything surrounded by me
this thing called money is evil
and nobody should ever use it to control everyone else..

this thing..
can u get any respect if u use it to control ur family?
i doubt it..

a find it extremely funny that u can agree to something
and den disagree a moment after
where is my respect for u
as usual it has gone down the drain

i feel like somehow they have let me down
their words dun mean a thing and why say it
my words probably dun mean a thing either
everything is so superficial..
love..
wadever..
i dun feel it anymore
i dun even believe in anything.
i jus believe that someday
i will grow up
be independent
love freely
and be free
fly away from this place..

-=today=-

2006-03-03T18:10:00.000+08:00

hmm
the exam was alrite..
not gonna do well
but hopefully not gonna fail as well

hmm..
hopefully mos will be rocking hot tonite
hahahaa..gonna get high on amsterdam
and jus let loose
all the stress
all the my problems..
jus leave them behind
because we be rocking in mos tonite..

everything feels so superficially plastic
cold hard plastic ha!
well..it is isn't it..
jus a day before it was a declaration of this and dat
and the next day it becomes something else..
i dunno..
maybe everything is meant to fade away..
i dunno..
i dun really wanna tink about this rite now
maybe i jus hide it below my bed and hope my hurts disappear
perhaps maybe den i would jus be ok..

yup
that be a good idea..

hahaha hope i dun do any rouge acts tonite

aite
g2g rock rock the party

-=mos mos mos=-

nitegems

-=crazy=-

2006-03-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

i finally got my d600
after so long
hmm
my precious black baby..
hahahaha..

looks so sexy man
i lovveee it!

hmm..

i haven really study commiss yet
horrible horrible
this is so horrible..

------------------------------------------------

im so confused..
i dunno wad to do
i dunno how i feel..

im taking steps which i noe no direction of..

maybe someday i will know

-=my sleek black fone=-

nitegems

-=the truth=-

2006-03-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

the truth is out
the verdict is said

and at this low point in my life
i can only hope for better
because life cannot get any worst
optimistic living
maybe
some day
i might meet that guy
who would make me feel that way..

till den

im single and hoping to be happy again

-=nitegems life full of complication=-

nitegems

-=usual=-

2006-02-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

wah when it comes to exam
studyin and shalu
is like standard deviation
standard procedure of calling and messaging
standard actions of realising we r slacking
standard timing of sleepin late..smsing and msn-ing

rocks..

shalu is my exam partner

-=standard la=-

nitegems

-=lonely nites=-

2006-02-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

hmm..
this few nites have been lonely and draining
hahaha..
been trying my best to study for pr..
but never manage to really study hardcore
only time was on sat
hahahaha

im so mentally exhausted
im tired from lack of sleep
yet i hardly nap cause i use the nap time to play maple
damn..

hopefully i be able to rmb wad i studied..

hmm lets try..

6 issues pr need to deal wit that marketing dun need to

1) Reputation
2) Issues Management
3) Crisis Management
4) Public Opinion Change
5) Internal Public
6) External Public

Definition of PR

It is the planned and substained effort to establish and maintain goodwill and mutual understanding between org and its publics

Definition of Community Relation

It is an active, planned, continuous participation of an organisation in a community. It's main aim is to maintain and build an environment where it works in so as to benefit both the community and the organisation

Why Govt need Pr?

4 Reasons

1) a democratic govt is obliged to report to it's citizens
2) an establish adminstration needs citizen's participation and support
3) Singaporeans have higher standard of living, expectations and aspiration, thus, they are more keen in understanding govt policies and its workings
4) A sophisicated media demands transparency and information

6 Objectives of Govt Relation

1) To inform publics about govt's services and its function so that publics can participate and gain from these services and function
2) To open a room for feedback
3) To educate public about new laws, reforms and policies
4) To inform public about govt's new laws, reforms and policies
5) To overcome apathy and bewilderment towards the new and complex government works.
6) To build a reservoir of supporters to the government

6 difficulties the govt face

1) Public Apathy
2) Heavy Govt machinery to plough through
3) Massive amount of data and facts to deal with
4) Communicating policies to a very wide and diverse audience
5) Govt is continuously dealing with issues that has far-reaching consequences
6) Sensitivity when it comes to handling certain issues

Govt Tools & Tactics

1) Public Education Campaigns
2) Media Placements
3) Officiating at functions
4) Feedback Channel

Government Works

1) Public Policy
- Explain the policies to targeted publics and selected target group so as to minimise misunderstandings and perceptions that the govt is high-handed
- Implement community programmes that will gain public support

2) Image Management
- Promote Govt agencies, statutory boards, Ministries as responsive organisations
- Build good relation with community leaders and other publics

3) Media Relation
- Build Credibility and public confidence with the effective media coverage on the events
- Use media as an agenda setting platform to test policies and laws

4) Public Feedback
- Overcome apathy and gain public support

3 Proactive works of an org that pr with the govt

1) Promote
- Org as a business worthy of govt support
- Org as a good corporate citizen

2) Research on Trends of govt policies
- Management can be advised on steps to take

3) Establish a good relationship with the government
- By providing constructive feedback on pre-implemented policies
- By showing support to new govt policies

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is a community?

A community is a group of people living in the same place, govern by the same government and sharing a common culture and historical heritage

5 objectives of community relations

1) To inform community of the organisation's core beliefs, values..to remove and misconceptions of the organisation
2) To gain support from the community
3) Supporting community activities
4) Supporting marketing policies and advertising campaigns
5) Demonstrate good corporate citizenry

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Public relation focuses on the long-term goals of building a positive relationship with its consumers, competitors, suppliers and other key publics

Public relations main goal is to build and maintain a hospitable environment for its publics. It can also help an organisation's corporate climate to be conducive to customer service.

Marketing focuses on the affordability, quality and availbility of an organisation's products and services. Its main aim is to sell

Marketing's main goal is to build and maintain a market for it's organisation products and services

Therefore, Public relation can create a conducive enviroment that can enable Marketing to be more effective.

Public Relation raises awareness , inform, educate, gains understanding, builds trust, give people a reason to buy and finally create a climate of acceptance for an organisation's product and services to the consumers.

Means to End

Its the positive relationship between an organisation and its key publics developed through public relation which eventually helps strengthens sales and profits
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Similarities of PR & Marketing

- Both needed for an organisation's survival
- Both deals with human relations
- Both builds and maintain relationship necessary for an organisation survival
- Both uses similar communication tools to reach out to its key publics

Differences Between PR & Marketing

PR deals with a broad array of issues and publics
Marketing main focus is the consumers and the market place

PR creates mutual understanding through a two way dialogue. no overt persuasion
Marketing is persuasive with every intent to sell

PR saves money
Marketing makes money

the End result differs

PR main concern is building relationship and generating goodwill from its key publics
Marketing main concern is the consumers and selling the organisation's product and services

-------------------------------------------------------------------

4 Common words

Advertising - Paid space and time

Marketing communication - Communication that helps an organisation's marketing objectives

Publicity - Information of an org/product/services/event disseminated through a news media or other channels of communication to gain favourable public attention

Sales promotion - Promotions during a short period that boost sales.

Intergrated Communication

It is Marketing, Advertising, Sales Promo & PR coming together to determining a strategy

PR - Makes the product/services acceptable to customer
Ad - Exhorts Customers to buy
Sales Promo - combines both goodwill and ad message to actual sales

4 Rules PR mus follow when supporting Marketing

1) Is the PR message similar to the ad and sales promo message?
2) PR activites mus be in same timing to overall marketing activites
3) PR target audience must be generated from the marketing needs
4) PR mus consider consequences and benefits of other activites

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

siala i type too many anyway i mus go revise again incase i forget

-=miss u.i wanna hold ur hand=-

nitegems

-=silence=-

2006-02-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

awkward silences..
in the nite..
words meant to be said
just hardly comes out
words..

-=wishin and hopin=-

nitegems

-=crazy=-

2006-02-21T10:56:00.000+08:00

hmm
i should really start to watch my mouth
and what i say
cause i might really loose the ppl i care about
if i jus go rattling off like that
especially you..

argh

awfully bored today
yes i know mus study for PR

but!

im so lazy
crappers

who wanna go out wit meeee

-=lalalala=-

nitegems

-=crunch time=-

2006-02-13T17:01:00.000+08:00

life was as its peek of horror
when my labtop crashed
and mouse broke
and battery flat..
it was worst when i fought wit him..
and pushed him away..

but life is getting better now..

i hope at least..

everything is topsy turvy..
and i totally hate my new hair cut
i hate the weight im putting on
and i cant seem to love myself..

hmmm nevertheless
im glad dat he proved to me that he loved me enuff..
:) and that i should start loving myself more..

this is a learning journey i mus take..
life mus get better...

-=thank u=-

nitegems

-=fucked up=-

2006-02-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

u made me realise that
i cant do without u
that i have relied too much on u
and now..
when everything crashes
its still you i need to turn to

-=what the fuck=-

2006-02-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

what the fuck!
my com seem to spoil..
the batt has problem
the mouse also spoil

fuck fuck fuck

im so pissed

-=fook=-

2006-01-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

today was a semi fun day
at first it was super boring..
i was stoning at home
and was pissed

but the day got better as soon as my cousins came
we played playstation and maple
and we really enjoyed ourselves

den later we went to eat kfc and walked to the singapore river
to talk drink and chat..
hahahahahaha
i like i like..

hahahaha
i wanna grow closer with my cousins
maintain a good relationship

fuck i haven do journal
so fucked up

i mus start doing by tmr
crap

---------------------------------

i miss u dear
especially when i walk down that river

-=lalala=

nitegems

-=full=-

2006-01-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

im so full
from the stuff i ate..
crap i feel like shit
hmm
ang pow is low this year
hopefully can get more

i have been procrasinating like crazy
seriously
not doing any work
argh holiday mood..

hmmm cny has been boring for me..
nothing much
jus do the usual
but we did take some photos
so is not bad

im quite lazy to blog
my tummy hurts hurts

hmm i got alot of stuff to buy
vintage stuff
like necklace...
belts..and wad not

hmmm..
tomorrow me cousins comin me house to chill out
play ps2 and have fun

maybe gonna go cocolatte

ha~!
sucks man..

this week is boring
so boring

-=cny cny my ass=-

nitegems

-=a bored but fun reunion dinner=-

2006-01-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

hmm..
i had a simple but fun reunion dinner

hmm...

today have been all about the games
me my sis and my bro been playing maple the whole day
but we took turns..
my sis and bro played first while i chilled out watching jay concert..
den i played kof on my ps2 which made my bro interested and passed the maple to me
so my sis and me played while my bro played need for speed on the ps2
i just mod my car so it looks super cool HA!...

and den we had our reunion dinner when my mum screamed sayin that we've been playing games for the whole day
so we ate and ate
and my mum sort of imagined that there were 10 people in the house
so she cook mountains of food
which the 3 little pigs plus my uncle could not finish at all!
so we joke about how we normally can finish but now this time cant and stuff..

after dat its back to playing maple and my bro playing need for speed..
i tink me mum abit limit liao
she was like ENUFF! ITS THE BEEN THE WHOLE DAY!
so everyone stopped
my sister painted my mum and my nails for cny..

not excited at all for cny
infact this whole cny thing gotten me pretty bored
hahahaha
i dun like cny..
hmm i mus finish my webD journal soon..
hmpH~ so lazy to even start
maybe mon and tues i chiong to finish it..

i believe that each day would get better
because as each day pass..
next sunday becomes nearer and nearer...

anyway!
he bought winning eleven from malaysia
so those who wanna play in my ps2
can check it out in my house
bahahaha especially if we do projects
:P

(im writing such a detailed post for u to read....)

-----------------------------------------

miss u alot..
hmm...
kept going online to see if u were there
but u were not..
oh well

------------------------------------------

-=maple maple died 4 times today=-

nitegems

-=rub=-

2006-01-26T22:36:00.000+08:00

hmm..

life is ok

-------------

i miss u..
lalalalalala

cny is so borrrrrring

supeb boring stuff..
jus gonna do work work work

yay..
yay hippie hurray..
hurhurhur

maybe rent some dvd to watch

-=lalalala miss u=-

nitegems

-=maple=-

2006-01-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

maple jus wun feel the same without u...

-=playing it without u=-

nitegems

-=shattered=-

2006-01-19T14:29:00.000+08:00

we repaired it
but now
its broken once again..

my promises i said..
i dunno how to keep..
when u keep pushin me away
the hurt keeps coming back
i need to walk away..

my heart bleeds..
bleeds with insanity..

the tears i cant contain..

is there even such thing as love..
why do u even use that word
when u don't show it..

am i demanding too much..
do u ever consider how i feel..
maybe i haven consider how u feel..
i dunno..

why am i always the one givin in..

this time..

it seems like its for real..

and if i dun persuade it..

im guessing

that everything would jus fade away

-=shattered my broken heart=-

nitegems

-=ass thatt wun shut=-

2006-01-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

fuckin pissed
her mouth is so huge it wun shut
she wun know it
even when i point the middle finger
she still blabs
i cant stand her sometimes
she dunno the limits
fucking pissed
i really have no mood rite now

no mood wat so ever...

-=fuck=-

nitegems

-=post secret=-

2006-01-18T13:35:00.001+08:00

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

hmm i like this blog
not bad not bad

-------------------------------------

all in the name of fun

-=not gonna tink too far=-

nitegems

-=post secret=-

2006-01-18T13:35:00.000+08:00

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

hmm i like this blog
not bad not bad

-------------------------------------

all in the name of fun

-=not gonna tink too far=-

nitegems

-=collector=-

2006-01-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

i have a bad habit
i like to collect things
now im collecting

button earrings
long sleeved tops
and
necklaces

im lusting over

a watch and an adiddas jacket

but they are very expensive

hmmm i like the nippon jap jacket

i'm aiming for u!

hahahaha

-=lustful me!=-

nitegems

-=who would have thot=-

2006-01-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

hmm

this line

who would have thot

kept coming into my head

...

who would have thot i would be attached
who would have thot my mum would be willing to buy me cny stuff
who would have thot i have the chance to sit wit shalu and have a romantic nite
who would have thot close frens bastard u
who would have thot...

...

ANYWAY
i hate it when i see a nice bag
im excited about that nice bag
and when i try to get that nice bag
it disappears to thin air
wtf

i hate this feeling

hmrpH!

sunday me and my sis going cny shopping
my mum was suppose to go
but no!
she said:
"afternoon have to dye your grandma hair and at night have tuxedo to watch so i can't go la..."
WAD THE HELL!
which mom abandons u to watch tuxedo! that fuckin jacky chan show
!%$!
oh well she still my mum love her to bits
hahahahaha

on a lighter note
im kinda happy that im buying my new phone soon!
yippie!
and that cny is coming
which means i get wee bit of money
which means i get to shop
which means i get to be happy

hurhurhurhurhur

--------------------------

i saw two watches
one for male
one for female
and i thot
how nice if we could
wear it together
matching matching

the thot of me
thinking like this..
makes me sick..
omg am i in love?

------------------------------

-=dancing in the moonlight=-

nitegems

-=baby i jus want u=-

2006-01-13T02:06:00.000+08:00

baby i jus want u
baby i jus need u..
lalalalala

hmm

argh
i cant put to finger
wad is the problem
wad is causing us to
be so edgy with one another
why mus i be such an ass..
hai

i dunno also..

i really am happy being wit u
life sucks not cause of u

probably cause of sch work and stuff
jus feel physically exhausted
jus dat i dun say it often

hmmm..

i really do cherish time wit u

jus get easily embarrassed when im over enthu
and u do not meet up
the bus wasnt jus the only time..

i notice..

maybe cause ur tired
anyway

its really not cause i regret meetin u or wad..

man u got it all wrong

-=nothing gonna change my feelings for u=-

nitegems

-=impossible=-

2006-01-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

i find it impossible to say no to someone's request
especially if it is something i can do..

hmm..

im getting fatter!
hahaha

ate loads of junk today felt super guilty

1) Oishi Spicy Prawn Crackerss
2) Oishi soya salted Crackers
3) Dumpling soup with 8 dumplings
4) 2 haribos
5) a bag of mandarin orange
6) abit of chocolate
7) One orange

-------------------------------------------------

hmmmmmmmmmmmm..
junk food man me..

hmm..
but i beginning like dumpling soup
especially tiong bahru market's one.
humm..

hee`

so life has been interesting
d500 fell
so there be remains
click click
malaysia trip..
hurhurhur..

--------------------------------------------------
everytime im wit u
i feel a joy that comes from within
through the rain..
through the delays..
through the fights
&
many hungry moments
i really feel so special
cause no one makes me as happy
nobody but u..
-------------------------------------------------

sorry abit mushy and emo
hope u guys dun mind
hurhurhurhur
guess.
there are ups and downs to life
hee~

im so bored sometimes

-=why why why tell me why=-

nitegems

-=recovering from hurt=-

2006-01-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

satisfaction

my life might be whirling
but somehow
i always find my centre
maybe
we always dwell too much on the problems
and never see the good
never see beyond
we focus too much that life sucks
and never realise that we r actually very lucky ppl

hmm..

something to ponder about

-=pamper u=-

nitegems

-=read=-

2006-01-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

i mus be ready
prepare my heart

-=dim dim dim=-

nitegems

-=need for speed=-

2006-01-08T17:03:00.000+08:00

im abit addicted to need for speed..
the andrenaline rush
the cops chasing..
me getting away
its really fun man..

i woke up at 12 today
look around and found the house empty
i felt empty..

so i went to play my playstation
the usually me who would call friends to go out did not do so..
instead i plugged on to the controller and played need for speed
man it rocks my socks..
hahahahaha i defeated the first blacklisted guy
there are 14 more to go
and there are bounty to be earned while being chased by police
wow..
5 hours non-stop playing
who the hell said ur playstation wud auto shut after 1 an a half hour

during this 5 hours i seem to lost my mind
my stress..
my pains..my thoughts..

i jus kept persuing the goal of the game
perhaps this is why so many ppl get drawn into playstation..xbox..pc games
its the fact that u literally forget about the problems in ur own lives..
and u take on the character of the game and try to fufill ur goal
and fufilling ur goal in the game makes u feel like u r sumbody
dat u r not that a loser after all
talk about social withdrawal..

well
im not gonna play ps for too long
i dun tink its good for my eyes and thumb (which hurts like hell when i sms)
after the 3rd hour i felt like a zombie
i knew how to navigate the car and tough turns became easy to me
i wasn't even tinking anymore i was staring at the road and focus
its kinda scary that i can be so zoomed in
like sum freaking addict kid

oh well!

enuff..later i shall go out breathe some fresh air
and really have a nice good meal
eat soupy stuff cause its such a cold weather
and breathe the life of orchard
im tired of cooping myself in my house
hahahah i know its only a short while but i dun like staying home too long..

hmm

and maybe i do abit of shopping
and get my sanity back

:)

---------------------------------------------------

i guess we figured it out
but i never know for sure
i guess uncertainty piles
when words meant to be said
are left unsaid
i dunno
im afraid that there be this huge gap
dat keep pulling us apart
and we never be able to find
the feelings we shared
when we first meet..

i hope that never happens..

--------------------------------------------

-=i need to know if its real=-

nitegems

-=self consuming=-

2006-01-08T01:44:00.000+08:00

perhaps im self consumed
perhaps im in my own world..

i don't know
when u asked me to tell u wads wrong
my mind jus shuts
i don't know how to tell u the hurt i feel
and why in the first place i feel such hurt..

sometimes i jus dun feel like im attached

and words at the end of the day really dun mean a thing
its the action that counts..
and all i want is jus sumthing to show me that u mean wad u say

im jus so fustrated inside..
perhaps thats why i want a ps2..
i dunno why i broke down today
i freaking lost it..
i dun wanna be that kind of person
im so tired..
tired of my mind telling me things
tired of mind mapping my own thoughts

these few days have been tiring
and half the time i feel like im alone
i jus wish we could find some time alone and sort things out
jus beat the hell out of one another
and get the hurt out..

but..

guess other stuff are more important huh
today..
isn't even our day..

-=need for speed really shiok=-

nitegems

-=games i wanna buy=-

2006-01-06T21:53:00.000+08:00

games i wanna buy

1) X Men Legends
2) Dead or alive
3) Mortal Kombat
4) Marvel Vs Campcon
5) Tekken Tag Tournament
6) The Sims 2
7) Puzzle Bubble
8) Dragon Quest
9) Virtue fighters

bahahahhahaa
i finally got my playstation
it took alot
hmmm..

persuasion and wad not
and finally got it

:)

im spoilt..

-=spoilt by u love=-

nitegems

-=love=-

2006-01-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

we need to sort things out yo

-=life sucks=-

nitwgems

-=time to make a change=-

2006-01-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

ITS time to make a change
i can't stand my life
so do something about it

so now since there are 3,666 sms
i really have to cut down
i don't give a fuck
im not gonna message no more..
enuff
im paying my ass for this one
200 plus bill
my mum is gonna kill me big time..
so no more
im not gonna reply anyone messages
if i dun reply
hope u understand
also..
im not gonna answer calls at nite..
and i only call for a short while
if u would like to find me
call me in the afternoon i would definitely pick up

how am i going to find 200 dollars
its the fucking club fault
i sms so many ppl to go
which explains the explosion of messages
fuck..
im pissed
wasted money
wasted time
earn nuts
life sucks
im angry now

wad da fuck

-=why the hell u ignoring me now?=-

nitegems

-=weight=-

2006-01-05T20:51:00.000+08:00

weight
is really being a bitch

im not gonna eat much tmr
swear!

i succumb to temptation
and ate char kway teow
fuck it was damn damn good
serious

so many cockles!
my goodness
i jus ate and ate
and now i bloody regret
like crazy
crazy crazy
freak!
cant wait for tmr nite

pop pop
and sat..
hmmm

i wanna be thin!!!!

fit in to my jeans fit into my jeans
hrmph
life sucks u know?

-=loose weight=-

nitegems

-=food check=-

2006-01-05T18:51:00.000+08:00

yesterday i ate alot
here's a food check for yesterday

Ate at sushi Tei

1) 4 fried Gyoza
2) one scallop sushi
3) one tuna sushi
4) 4 Fish roe sushi
5) 4 unagi sushi
6) 2 tampura
7) 3 slices of salmon sashimi
8) one bowl of kutsu don
9) chocolate icecream waffles

------------------------------------

At Kaya toast

1) Ate two slice of kaya toast
2) bits of some spicey fried chicken
3) sips of milk tea

-----------------------------------------

At tiong bahru market

1) Shared half a plate of hokkien mee
2) Shared half of ice kachang

-----------------------------------------

Today what did i eat?

1) Shepard's pie (my favourite)
2) One ham and cheese bread
3) chocolate waffers
4) an apple
5) ice cream
6) an orange
7) char kway teow

--------------------------------------------

im feeling very fat sia
i need to loose weight to fit the new jeans i bought
the tummy especially
hmmmm..time to diet

55
55
55
55
55
55
55
ok enuff

-=loose weight wit food check=-

nitegems

-=FUCK=-

2006-01-04T12:37:00.000+08:00

im sick and tired of life
and my inner demons
jus gonna get my playstation
and slack alone at home

i like some alone time these days

-=loner for few days=-

nitegems

-=burp=-

2006-01-03T02:10:00.000+08:00

*burp*
i eat alot when im wit u
it sucks..
:)

hahaha

commiss sucks!
hmm seriously cant stand it
i dun understand pornography and findings
why cant i jus do effects would be so easy
this week gonna be abit of a killer
wit designs and feat 2 coming up
i have yet to find an interviewee
so screwed

life has been abit upside down recently
i cant seem to figure out why
but i do see some bright sides..
jus studies and friendship hasn't exactly been very friendly to me
and sometimes
i feel like been so suffocated that
i neglect many other areas of my life
like for example
i have not shop for 2 weeks maybe 1..
i don't know! i haven't gone to orchard
and i haven't meet kamini..durga..

woah i really need to catch my life back
:)

my head is spinning i need sleep

sleep and loads of it

-=crossing the road=-

nitegems

-=stress=-

2006-01-02T23:09:00.001+08:00

the stress might be starting to kick in
but the whole week i havent ever been able to start doing work
i dunno why i cant focus
been getting really lazy

hmm..
anyway
i wonder why i stop shopping
so very long
i never shopped for week
why like this
hehehehe

no more retail therapy?

-=shall not stick to u.=-

nitegems

-=new year=-

2006-01-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

happy new year!
2006 is here
in a blink of an eye
a year has passed
so many things have happened
and life is still going on
and im still breathing..

new year resolution

(i dun believe in it but jus for the bull of it)

1) loose weight
2) treasure my friends..make new friends
3) loving u each day and stay faithful
4) study harder

aite

life has been awfully interesting

anyway
i tink its time for some closure and some friendly talking

-=time to make it real=-

nitegems

-=imperfections=-

2005-12-30T22:04:00.000+08:00

imperfections

i might fall apart if u leave..
i might not be able to hold myself up

everything i see
everything i have
belongs to u

what is my decision going to be

im so tired of living like this

yet

i cant live..

-=i wanna jus die and start life all over again=-

nitegems

-=coco=-

2005-12-30T17:50:00.000+08:00

coco was a party
wished to be
forgotten but always remembered
it was a party that u could say flop
but was blasting..
and i had a wild time..
:)

hmmm..
i tink everyone seriously went all out to get high
to look pass the fact that the party sucked..

ol well..

i enjoyed myself..

and im happy

-------------------------------
im loving each day wit u..
time flies when im wit u
its corny but its true
but i tink..
im addicted to u
-------------------------------

-=close ur eyes..=-

nitegems

-=friends=-

2005-12-29T13:35:00.000+08:00

friends somehow always seem to let u down..
why is it that when u r attached u disappear..
why is it that u hardly call or reply my sms anymore
why dun u even pick my calls

how come..
we dun even talk no more..
and u dun even chat no more..
and we hardly speak at all..

friends come and go
the ones u keep are the one that stays
but there are those that are like sand
u keep trying to reach out and grab them
but they keep slipping away

there are also those whom u will never ever get to know more about
there are those who are so secretive about their lives that u feel u hardly know them..
there are also the ones tat
after years of not talking
when u talk again
everything still feels the same
like it was back in primary school..

friends..they complete my life..
they make me reflect on who i am..
and make me wanna be a better person
:)

-=walking life=-

nitegems

-=life is amazing=-

2005-12-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

i tink i mus start building my social of friend
this party has led me to realise
how little friends i have
hahahahahaha
ok la i do have la
but oh well

(thanks for coming i appreciate it)

-=sleepy zonkey=-

nitegems

-=sick=-

2005-12-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

im sick.
really i am
vomitted..
giddiness..
feeling like total crap
i procrasinated
i haven even do pr
life is at a real low now
damn
i cant stand the stress
why the hell u give us holidays
and give us fucking 4 assignments to hand in
for wad
to kill us
torture us
and the fucking party
wad the hell for
add additional pressure

i apologise
im in a bad mood
due to my illness
if i offend anyone
sorry

but fuck..
i hate this
i really do

-=break the pain=-

nitegems

-=dreamlike=-

2005-12-26T02:15:00.000+08:00

dream..
dreaming wit u
dreaming of u..

love..
is it possible..
is it a delusion..

insecurities..
the mask we wear..
the times we share..
peels
every layer of skin we try to hide..
brings us deeper to one another
to our rawest being..
the ones we fear to show to our friends

the hurt we used to bear..
the fear in our eyes
the fear of getting hurt again...
keeps us from letting ourselves go..

but that day..
that very day
we flew
and fly..and soar we did..
this christmas
wit u..

:) this christmas was special..

-=im beginning to fall in love wit u=-

nitegems

-=insane=-

2005-12-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

im insane
this is insane
the work load is piling
and i have not got around to do anything
why?
cause i mind keep wandering..and wondering..
it aint anyone's fault
i guess im jus a little over sensitive
so thats how my mind works..

well i feeling kinda odd these days
cant describe how i really feel
sometimes i tink im too playful

i dun wanna play wit feelings
im not gonna play wit urs...

perhaps in all of our lives we wear masks..
its like a whole masquerade to us
and we live in this world where we can only hide behind this huge mask
because if the world were to see who was behind it
they be so disgusted..
thats how i feel sometimes..
i feel like i have to put on a whole show..
and that if u peel everything that is on me
all u see is a rotten person

someone who did not grow up properly
someone who did not have basic manners
someone who has no sense of direction
someone who is actually lost in her own world and mind..

peel of all the clothes thats wearing me..

im jus...

nothing..

nothing left to show
nothing left to proof

an insecure person..

loads of self reflecting going on

but not much of work getting done
this is bad
this is real bad
if i dun get work done

christmas is not going to be christmas..

-=depression? not really...=-

nitegems

-=ive comee to..=-

2005-12-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

hmm i really miss u..
alot

------------------------------

so im suppose to do PR and Feat 1 today
but im procrasinating..
hate this word btw
hmm
cant help it
im so lazy
and bored
and

tinking of u

-----------------

-=she's hot..she's blazing...=-

nitegems

-=crazy=-

2005-12-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

narnia sucks..
maybe the trailer push my expectations jus a litte way too much
but the show did not live to its expectations
infact it failed miserably..
its not that its a bad show
but compared to troy or lord of the rings..its no way near it..
and compared to the recent success of king kong that blew my mind away
narnia failed
bad..
the show was jus lame

i dunno why
but its like DUHHHH..
DUHHHHH...
and
DUHHHHH
horrible
probably 6/10 stars
and

for those who are looking for that movie that is worth that money
watch
KING KONG!
seriously
i mean most ppl be like
wtf is peter jackson thinking when he filmed this movie
i mean king kong is so over done..no new angle not newsworthy at all
so what is there to do

but peter jackson did it and did it good
the movie moved me to tears..
and it was really really engaging
i could not snap out of it after watching the film
very very well done..
cant say enuff
so it be
8.5/10 stars
hmm
ok la 9/10 for making me cry
hee~

-----------------------------------------------

my mood has been fluctuating these few days
i really dunno whats wrong wit me
mus be the menstruction
but i feel very drained out
and emotionally tired and fustrated
also mentally and physically worn out..
hmm
need rest i suppose

-----------------------------------------------------

where have u gone to?

-=im so tired=-

nitegems

-=webd=-

2005-12-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

web d has been such a bitch to me
if web d was a bitch
web d wud kick my ass
web d wud wake me up in the nite and beat me
web d sucks..

so anyway

i wanna thank
YAWEN!
ROBYN!
and
KHAIRIN AND HER FREN'S LABTOP!
some how or another
u guys help me make it thru web d
hhehehehehehe
thanks leh *nudge nudge*

so ya sorry i forgot to credit u in my website
but me tink the blog is good enuff
hehehehehehehhe~

---------------------------------------------

been growing fatter
this is bad
hahaha need to loose weight neh!

i really wanna work and earn cash
den spend on facial stuff
like all the serum, emulsion, moisturiser and masks..
all the facial stuff look so yummy!~
hehehehehehehehe

but i so lazy to work bleah

hmmmmmmm.............

ok la quite good mood today
maybe tmr mood change
but oh well~

-----------------------------------------------------------

arrogance only shows insecurity
humility takes u further..

learn
grow up

----------------------------

-=i wanna dance wit u=-

nitegems

-=fustration=-

2005-12-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

i bury my fustration deep in my grave
i bury my hurts deep in the holes

everything is piling up..

i cant take it

i tried to destress

i'll try to learn in-design asap
i will

im fustrated

angry

i want to shop

i cant stand everything
jus wanna curl myself up in a hole

lets club please!

i need to de-stress so badly

-=pent up=-

nitegems

-=focus=-

2005-12-12T23:53:00.000+08:00

i need to focus

focus focus focus

focus focus focus

ok enuff of focusing

no but seriously.
i need to

focus

-=focus on studies DUH!=-

nitegems

-=web d=-

2005-12-12T03:55:00.000+08:00

web d is such an ass
such a big ass
but i wanna thank penny and amanda
for helping me through this shit

hahaha argh..
fucked up website

why does my stuff jump around
ol well..

hope i can pass!!
*cross fingers*

tomorrow and tues i mus start adding info in
haven add shit in yet
better write really solid and flowing stuff

hmmm..

den wed we...

*thump thump thump*

deep voice: shalini is on the table the table the table..

hahahahhaa u know ;)

anywayz...

im kinda shock i manage do loads of stuff today
the website is not that nice but its good la alrite..

tmr still mus go school haven sleep
argh

okies

thats all

i beginning to hate bloggin
probably

next month i will love to blog more

-=take my breath away..im missing u=-

nitegems

-=crash=-

2005-12-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

crash

i need to find a space
where i can recollect
and find myself again

i need to find a corner
where i can search
for my soul once again

i need to run aay
so i can chase after
myself again..

i need to shop
so i can forget
all my blues once again..

i need to cover myself
in my blanket
and creep into another world

once again...

perhaps

im a psycho..

i might be going crazy..

this illness is not helping me

this illness is killing me

im not this weak

i have to be strong..

im not this weak

i will be strong..

a bag
a tank
a shirt
a pair of shorts

thanks love

in the end u r the one who still help me

-=pillar of strength=-

nitegems

-=feeling sick=-

2005-12-07T21:34:00.000+08:00

hmm
din't go school today
was sick
but feeling better

hmmm..

im happy :)

happy that i found someone
who is all i can ever ask for

-=dancing in the moonlight=-

nitegems

-=i do care=-

2005-12-05T15:16:00.000+08:00

i dunno what is ahead us
i dunno what will happen
all i know is the present
and thats what really matters

seeing u happy makes me happy too

maybe im afraid of being hurt

but i will keep trying..

waiting for u

has never been

so easy

-=when i saw u everything changed=-

nitegems

-=cancer=-

2005-12-03T15:34:00.000+08:00

hmm

cancer people do not like to show that they care or show love
but actually they care alot..

hmmm

how true is that?

-=little bit=-

nitegems

-=walking wit me=-

2005-12-02T11:39:00.000+08:00

i know things been messyy
i know things been confusing
i might one day jus go crazy
i might one day jus scream
but everytime i look at u..
i remember how u did..
u took that walk with me
and i never forget it..

bear with me k i mite be abit psycho

lalalalala

-=held my hands=-

nitegems

-=held ur hand=-

2005-12-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

i held ur hand today
it was soft and warm

hmm
ur hands..

ROBYN
they are so nice and long

hahaha who were u guys thinking of?

hahaha yeah i held robyn hands
it was a very great feeling
i wish i could do it again

(haha robyn i blog liao are u happy? not turning lesbian jus got forced)

anyway

im super tired

i went home

looked at my library books
and saw
the fucking date to return
and its mudda fucking 28th nov

im like WAD DA FUCKKKKK!

so i jus sat there stare at my books
den say ok im gonna finish it today

my eye lids are so heavy

hmm..

im gonna fall alseep tomorrow..
i better not :p

im so pissed la
i threw away my earrings merc bought for me
arghh

i dun like throwing something away
its like letting something disappear witout u knowing
it sucks

argh
so angry..

and i was so excited to wear it

haiz

mabel mabel wake up dun so sleepy

-=maybe someday we will grow up=-

nitegems

fuck

2005-11-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
interesting site

still in class

*yawnz*

missing u

thursday

-=walk=-

-=cant take it=-

2005-11-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

its all killing me
the pressure
its all killing me

its not jus wad u tink..

everything is killing me

my radio brain is in australia..
and i feel the fucking pressure

my head is spinning..

annd i cant tink straight
time to sleep time to sleep
tomorrow be a better day

-=u kissed me little one=-

nitegems

-=take a walk wit me=-

2005-11-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

i mus be crazy
alittle high..
but i dun expect anything
dun want anything

jus glad that
u would

take a walk wit me :)

-=are u crazy?=-

nitegems

-=fuck=-

2005-11-27T12:49:00.000+08:00

damn stress la..
have radio..comm issue..web d to worry about
im super worried
trust me..

i dunnoo if i can make it through the week
i mus i mus i can i can!
if i can finsih this week
complete all assignments and interviews and editings
den i tink

i can do anything

right now im jus about to shut down

cause how to tink creatively of all the links and sigtune
when my brain is not around

haiz..

dun worry can can can can!

I CAN DO IT!

i know i can..
be what i wanna be
if i work hard it..
i be where i wanna be...

I KNOW I CAN!

:(

- radio
- comm issue paper
- interview
- get the music

-=fuck=-

nitegems

-=positively mad=-

2005-11-26T12:50:00.000+08:00

if it is anything
im positively mad
and crazy
maybe even psycho
oh well i had fun

hhahahahhahaha

manda panda!

the party was fun wished u guys went too!

-=i wait for the postman to send me a letter=-

nitegems

-=jon quiz=-

2005-11-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

jonnie boy sucks
cause he will ask us to do quiz
but there is no way we can copy and paste
its like den for wad we do
hahahaha im jus complaining

anyway

name 5 weird things about myself
den ask some people to do
i will skip the people part
cause im not a people's person
so 5 weird things
here goes

Weird out fact 1: I love to pluck my armpit hair. armpit hair gives me the creeps!

Weird out fact 2: I'm addicted to sms-ing. i feel odd or weird if i dun sms. i jus feel the need to sms

Weird out fact 3: I'm a super insecure person and have a fear of loosing people

Weird out fact 4: I used to have a crush on Elijah Woods (USED TO!!) till he became such a fag in LOTR

Weird out fact 5: I killed many animals when i was young and did not feel guilty. (ok now i do OK!)

so yes 5 weird things about me
YAY YAY YAY!

-=boon u suck=-

nitegems

-=mood low=-

2005-11-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

my mood is super low.
destroyed by one bloody sms.
im so moody now.
fuck fuck fuck.

haiz..
i never expected
that so soon
i might have to deal
with reality
i never expected
that u might leave me one day

now im so worried that
one day u might jus walk away from me
and u would disappear
my pillar
gone.

the day was so good
why did it have to end in such a bad note

haiz..
im so depressed

-=what if you should decide=-

-=jingle bell=-

2005-11-21T21:49:00.000+08:00

jingle bells!

christmas came early for me
my sis bought me a pair of shoes
teeheehee
its a big deal cause my sis never buys me shit.
shit is the new word btw.

anyway!

LIST LIST LIST!

Style: Tight bottoms baggy tops
I need.

1) Shorts
2) Xodus shoes
3) Baggy long sleeves tops
4) Long necklaces with nice pendants
5) Buggy skirts
6) sheer laced top

-=wishing u were there.love.=-

nitegems

2005-11-21T00:55:00.000+08:00

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poet or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in you life
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, try to hold it inside
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

-------------------------------------------------------------

what if...
i dunch know..
i guess i already knew the answer

-=how can you know when you don't even try=-

nitegems

-=crap=-

2005-11-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

CRAP!
not studying nuts!

not doing nuts!

not even typing out the essay yet!

WAD DA FUCK!

hahaha.

im at manda house
and we are

eating.
drinking.
smoking(not really but it makes us sound cool).
talking.
bitching.
whining.
singing jay chou (haha im alone on that)
crying.
talking.
screaming.
wondering why we not starting our essay.
whining again.
moaning.
and still not starting.

WAD DA FUCK!
AMANDA AMANDA PANDA PANDA!!!

haiz..
life is a bitch man

anywayzz
on a lighter note

i have no money *wide grinz*
:D

anywayz..
yet another anyway..

-=i wish i dare i sms u=-

nitegems

-=tired and stupid=-

2005-11-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

if there was an award
for stupidity
i would have won it
and be given first in class

i dunno wad i am doing
i dunno how foolish do i wanna be
i dunno why do i drag myself on like this
today
i felt superly fustrated at myself
no one else
but me
why?
because when i had the chance to leave and walk away
i came back
its so lame
if there was a gun
or maybe a sign that said loser
someone can jus slam it on me

cause im the bigger loser

on a lighter note
im obese
and obesity is not good
guys hate fat girls.
im getting depressed
why do guys like the
thin small cute shit..
hmm
time to jus cut my legs
haha jus kidding

i wanna go shopping.
im a bored bitch..
someone shoot me

-=far east far east clothes i need money=-

nitegems

-=nitegems=-

2005-11-17T21:16:00.000+08:00

WAD DA FUCK!

HAHAHAHA

i need anger management
ive been flaring up so easily these days

i cannot take it half the time

i jus wanna scream and scream

anywAY

such anger mus be curb
i dun tink i should seriously keep everything in

i keep thinking why im turning so psycho...

i wonder why i am so crazy and be so bored...

i wanna scream

i wanna find something in life to do...

HOBBY HOBBY HOBBY HOBBY!

any suggestion?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

1) Far East Skirt 32.90

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH!

wad is goiing on in my mind

-=fly away with me please=-

nitegems

-=i wish i knew=-

2005-11-17T00:39:00.000+08:00

i wish
i knew
wads
on ur mind

but somehow or another
it doesn't matter anymore
because
u r nothing
but a big mistake
a past
a lost memory

someone whom
i do not ever wanna remember

-=fly away with me=-

nitegems

-=ambitious=-

2005-11-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

while showering today
i suddenly asked myself
what do you want to be when you grow up

looking down i realise im almost all grown up already
so why is it so hard to answer this simple question

since young till now
my ambition has changed with time and trend

primary six i proudly told my mum that i wanted to be a vet by hook or by crook
but now im running away when i see a small poodle chasing me jus because i wear a fur vest
not very vet material huh?

at secondary school i ambitiously told my mum that
i wanted to be an actress to be exact a television comedian actress
but NOW when im in mcm school and seeing how i look on screen during tv prod i realise that i look too dramatic and i can hardly make the people in my class laugh.

now in poly life i have not told my mum my ambition in fact i have no clue what it is
the future seems awfully bleak as i scrape through my semesters
i thought through many options
one point i felt that being a make up artiste would be the best choice
at some points
i felt that being a video editor in media corp would be fantastic (why dint i take FSV?)
other days
i jus wished i own my own boutique so i can sell clothes and incorporate some style into my shop

sometimes as you grow up
what you want to be becomes more practical
you start to realise that the job you seek
now requires higher salary
better employees benefits
and so on..
we hardly chase our child like dreams anymore

most people are hoping to hit their million even before they reach 30
some even want to drive fast cars and live the high life asap
why are singaporean youths so quickly dropping their dreams for cash
why have they been moulded into becoming these office hungry people
hmm..

so taking a step back and relaxing
i realised that ultimately my dream job would be something
i love and have a passion for
because in the end this is what is gonna push u forward to survive in the industry
eventually money would lose its flavour or working only for money would drain you out
thus, passion and real love for what you do is super essential

i guess i would take things stepp by step and see where my talents lead me
because i never know where the future might bring me
thinking about it makes me excited!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

why is it so hard to find love
love is such a lame ol thing
most people tell me
its not that its hard to find
its just that u r extremely picky
i dun agree..
i tink its just that i look proud or something
so guys are turned off
better go for some class to teach me some flirt tactics
because i seriously tink i need some
bahahahaha..

like miss ang said one bad impression requires 9 good impression to make up for that one bad impression.
perhaps i have been farting too much bad impressions
*sighs*

on another note
my stupid horoscope says this

Cancer: Ahhh..true love comes at last. Be patient and you will get all the affection and action you need from one impressive guy! Leading your friends into spontaneous craziness will bring hot results!

this is so lame..
i would be stupid to believe this love-o-scope
hmm
so in the first place why am i readin this BAHAHAHA u caught me..

im crossing my stupid fingers! *crossed*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-=love actually=-

nitegems

-=u=-

2005-11-15T01:21:00.000+08:00

crazy
sweating like mad
first it was printing of notes
den filing of notes
den doing my webd journal

and through out doing this stuff
im sweating

i havee no idea why its so hot
and im perspiring like no tomorrow

wad is wrong wit the weather

my neck and back aches very badly

i tink its due to oversleeping

as in u sleep for a really long period

hmmm..
maybe

anyway i hope it gets better cause its additonal pain to the
fustrating heat

hmmm...

today i bought a necklace with a mahjong tile

its kinda nice

hahahahahaha..

hang out with the peeps

chilled and relax
it was kinda nice

i was inspired to do a rather nice journal

which is a good start cause if u start off well
u will end off well

hopefully i can do well for it

im not very artistic

got my stationaries

got my shoe

hee~

-------------------------------------------------------------
yeah i admit i did tink of u

but

i tink i finally moved on

did not s-- u today

did not miss u today

and im still cool..

hahahhaa

good good good
-------------------------------------------

the eyes

whenever i look into ur eyes
i feel a sense of tingle
it makes my hair stand
and it drives me crazy
its not ur looks
its not who u r
its ur eyes
that makes me blush
and causes me to wonder
what r u thinking
what r u feeling
it is what u converse
with those huge eyes
that makes me wanna be
the one
who u always
gaze at
because ur eyes
makes me
feel special

ok tip for all guys and girls out there
how to make someone like u
after much years of research
its really the eyes
the contact
the ability to tranfer a message
through ur eyes
and be so sincere
it will definitely gain attention
not that i've done it
but i noticed
------------------------------------
-=with u im hardly rejected.love=-

nitegems

-=depress=-

2005-11-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

why do u love to make me depress
love to ignore me
and make me feel so useless
3 messages
and no reply..
wad do u want from me really?

what can i do?

i can't take it
since 8 till now

not a single word

sleeping?

cannot be wad

im a paranoid fuck maybe

but i cannot stand people

who r so rude

hmph~

-=morning call=-

2005-11-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

hmm tomorrow morning
im gonna die
cuase 8am class
nvm nvm

hMm!

im currently a sock collector

ive collected
bags
jacket
shoes
belt
tanks
jeans
3/4
skirts
earrings
necklace

but

not socks

so now yeah im into socks

buying loads

i want more

hahahaha want more shoes so can go with socks

socks are bad

beginning to feel very airhead

maybe next time my future is in fashion

and not this communication crap

who knows

who knows

but i love mcm

hehehehe

pr abit

if not they kick me out

anyway

i dunno wadta blog these days

guess im a very private person

dun like to air my thoughts openly

hmm

i dunno how those bloggers do it

ol well..

-=socks socks socks socks=-

nitegems

-=madness=-

2005-11-09T00:40:00.000+08:00

hmm..
do guys like girls who are full of drama
i tink they do
because basically
im a very boring person
everything OK LOR
and i will never go pick a fight on someone
i do get ocassionally angry
but the anger seize really fast
and i be ok after awhile

so maybe im boring

i dunno

im starting to feel like there is a need
to go out there and breathe fresh air

i really dun wanna keep thinking about all of this

the more i tink
the more crazy i become
its total madness

as to why im still single
i have absolutely no clue

maybe if i wanna go supper wit someone
or wanna be wit someone
im not that straight forward as to step up and say
HEY! i wanna go with u

maybe also cause i avoid eye contact at all times
and blush easily if the person looks at me

maybe.

guess there are many reasons

maybe the right one has not come along yet

hmmm

many discussions were thrown at the fateful carls junior

it was pretty fun and chilled

jus relaxed

i need money

but do i have the face to go back and work

i tink im pretty hurt by everything

i wanna talk to him about it so that i can feel like this weight
would be lifted off my shoulders

so that i wouldn't feel so embarrassed to step into pepper lunch

hmm

no face left.

i dunno la

so many unsaid words
so many hurting words
so many things done wrong

i wish i could turn the clocks back but i cant

anyway..

saving saving time!
so many things to buy
so much to look forward to.

hmmm am i that shallow

i was wondering today

is everything in my mind jus about shopping

its not..

its just that sometimes u block out stuff

and talk about superficial things
because

u dun wan anyone to know anything about u

hmm

maybe?

or am i jus this shallow

that there is nothing inside my head?

that i only look at people superficially

actually i dun really care about the looks or the age or wadever

if i like u

i like u..

so hmm..

wad is wrong?

-=bored=-

nitegems

le-=list=-

2005-11-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

yo.
a more detailed list
of wad i want
im boring person
i jus realised.

i guess we need to pretend that there is
huge dramas in our lives
so that people will be like OOH she is so interesting

no need ah

ok list.

1) Vans checkered brown shoes - 59
2) Converse black boots - 69.90
3) Mango brown checkered skirt - 60
4) Mango white vest - 75
5) Topshop Grey Turtleneck - 59
6) Mango jeans - 99
7) Topshop black dress - 96
8) Far East black pumps size 41 - 25
9) Closet Affair jacket - 45
10) Zara high collared Victorian shirt - 59.90
11) Zara green military jacket - 75
12) Mango White Collared Shirt - 29
13) Zara Sheer Laced top - 39.90
14) Mango ruffled grey shirt - 55

hahahahha i wun buy all la
but they are my current lust
omg omg omg
i need to work!

hmm fashion
is a representation of
whu u r

-=lalalalal boodum=-

nitegems